is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize