He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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