Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
