i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
