I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
