I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize