I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
