I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
