just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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