He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
