So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
