You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
