It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
