i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
