Im at strip club and am horny
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
