Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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