So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
