I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize