he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
