Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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