So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
