I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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