We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
