ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
