Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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