I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
