It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
