dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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