update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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