I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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