another moral hangover. fuck.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
