Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
