we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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