im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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