I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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