I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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