i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
