Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is Oprah even human
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
