I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
