I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
