just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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