my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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