i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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