9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
