Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
