who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
