I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
