My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
