if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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