omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
