no, he came in my armpit
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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