why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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