I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
