If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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