Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
