I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
