i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They took my balls.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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