Can i not drive my cunt home
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
