I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
