Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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