And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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