In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
