Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
