I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
