she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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