coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
