Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This is the high leading the old right now
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
