i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
