i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
