I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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