i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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