so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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