Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She's the barista slut.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize