Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
