found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize