I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
