what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
