Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ugly people sure do ruin things
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
