VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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