he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
