I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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