What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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