Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize