I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
