she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
