Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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