Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
