6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
