Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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