Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
