Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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