Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
