he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm too high and old for this...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
