Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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