I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Ketchup is God's man juice
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
