we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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