Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
