i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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