I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
A bitchslap is in order.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
