i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
